From Acquaintances to Allies: Building Trust and Connection

Anna Allan
Oct 1
6 min read

A couple of months ago, I received an email out of the blue.

It was from a complete stranger…

Wary of opening and reading it (isn’t it sad that it’s become the norm to be mistrusting?), it looked too personal to ignore (my curiosity would never allow that) and so I read on…

Not only did this lady cite an article I had written 4 years ago, she was sincere in saying she read it in its entirety (I re-read it)!

She referenced parts that she would have had to have read to be able to comment.

She showed genuine kindness in her words.

She didn’t ask for promotion of her or her interests.

She simply sent me a link to use, should I wish, to update the post or pull together additional articles.

She left it there.

I was somewhat taken aback because it had been a long time that I had seen this type of behaviour from a person I didn’t know…

and it made me happy.

She took the time to contact me.

She was personable in her response.

She showed me that connection is invaluable.

She proved that making contact with strangers for good reason still exists.

I responded, almost immediately, to thank her (obviously) and to request that we connect via LinkedIn.

I posted about my experience (using pretty much these exact words) on my social media expressing that I hoped she wouldn’t be a stranger for long.

I received comments on my LinkedIn post from people who resonate with me on connection.

I am sad to say that I am still waiting to hear back from my friendly stranger…

Having followed up on my initial email inviting her to connect with me so that we could further our conversation and build on the connection she had initiated I have heard nothing.

For me, the question is why?

Why do people post, engage and connect with others digitally and in person?

Has connecting with others changed over time?

Would it be unfair to say it seems to have become less authentic?

Do you feel some relationships are formed for personal gain rather than with good faith?

It has led me to, once again, question people’s genuineness.

For me, strong connections can only be formed with intention.

My ageing opinion leads me to believe that some people don’t put enough effort in to do this nowadays.

The way in which we view relationships are often put down to digital advances, globalisation, increasing pressures in the economy and even the Covid pandemic in which we were conditioned to isolate ourselves.

It might be different getting to know someone and building a connection and relationship in person than online, however, I don’t feel that it is down to either channel that makes one work better over the other.

I find that, in general, people have much less time for others and if something isn’t quickly established, they move on.

This is likely to come from the ever increasing speed of life, decreasing attention spans and a lack of tolerance people have (in general) of waiting for anything.

This is not intended as criticism, rather an observation of how we, as humans, interact with one another in modern times.

For me, it isn’t about being face to face and in person or online…

It is about the motive of why connections are made.

I have experienced both good and bad in both environments.

What I had thought were really strong connections, built up over years in person, have proved to be some of the most ingenious relationships.

In contrast, I have made some of the best connections online and in some cases, I have never even met these people face to face.

I network and do business effectively through a virtual world and can create the connections authentically in that way.

This can only happen when both parties are intentional.

“Know, Like and Trust.”

Likeminded people have a desire to connect with others, get to know, then like and, in time, trust.

A solid relationship is built in this way and is likely to have longevity, with further connections introduced and made, building the secure network of people that can be trusted.

As the world has become more digital, it is absolutely possible, and often required, to build connections and relationships through business online.

Even on a personal level, many people now find their life partners through digital means.

So why has my friendly stranger not come back to me after their initial communication?

Whilst I shall always approach a stranger as a potential opportunity to get to know them better, I remain cautious.

A series of events that took place over a number of years from when I was 18 to my late 20s proved to me that not all people are trustworthy.

It took a period of time to realise that not all people are bad and the biggest lesson I learnt from my experiences was that I can still have some type of relationship with anyone despite a person’s shortcomings.

In that, I mean that I can still engage with someone who I know is not genuine - after all, the people I might trust 100% are few and far between.

It probably sounds cynical and I am sure it might be, I often wish I was one of those people that could say that I trust someone until they prove me otherwise.

For me, trust has to be earned and whilst I get to know someone, I cannot let them ‘in’ fully until I’m satisfied that what I share with them is safe.

With trust comes authenticity and that brings me back to what has made me question the loose connections that are often formed through our networks, both virtually and in-person.

As an expat child, having had to move from country to country every three to four years, connection for me was one of the most cherished things I could find.

From a young age, maintaining friendships, whilst making new ones, was no easy feat.

Growing up and facing the challenges a pre-teen and teenaged girl has was testing enough for me, without having parental support at boarding school because they lived abroad.

The independence, resilience and mental strength that got me through the more difficult periods of growing up can be attributed to the relationships formed throughout my childhood.

*My friends and me in our first entrepreneurial adventure...*

Relationships remain important to me for this reason and so when I believe a connection is genuine, I shall do my best to nurture it, let it develop authentically and allow it to strengthen as it naturally does.

On the contrary, if I am asked to be a connection and then immediately ‘sold to’ I feel no hesitation in disconnecting. I am not interested in cold calls, being another number for likes or engagement and will not get sucked into a ‘fear of missing out’ scenario.

I personally experienced enough of that when I was younger!

Whilst I couldn’t call where my parents lived ‘home’, they were there and where my friends also travelled to from their respective boarding schools for holidays.

There was one or two friendships I made at the boarding school I was at and I am pleased to say that I still have those connections.

We don’t live in each others’ pockets and our busy lives often prevent us from communicating as often as I would like.

But that is just it…

The connections formed have developed into strong relationships and I have no hesitation in saying that if one of us called the other up and asked for help or something else, the other would not give it a second thought to help in any way possible.

It is authentic…

The strength of the connection is proven when we pick up where we left off no matter how many years have passed.

That, to me, is a real and true connection.

There are three major points to note, for me, that leads to successful connections:-

Transparency in communication

Being clear in what is intended when communicating sets the appropriate level of expectations at the outset, avoiding any unnecessary misunderstanding.

Trust to build relationships

Transparency in communication is likely to kickstart the trust in the new relationship which requires commitment and patience.

Alignment of personal values

When the relationship is strengthened, the personal values of each will become apparent and it is when these align that future opportunities for the connection can be developed.

I believe that if these steps are taken for every potential connection we approach, time can be saved (not every person we meet will remain in our lives and that is okay) and we can put more focus on the connections that are more suitable to us.

Connection to others is important, on a personal level as well as for business.